So far, life as a mom has meant a lot less alone time and a lot more poop.
I still can’t believe I pushed a human being out of my (*points to groin area and whistles).
Little wide-eyed Sunny June is changing and growing every single day. Getting to know her and myself as a mother has been the most transcendental two-month trip ever. Here are a few things I’ve learned so far:
Babies Are Hilarious
This dainty little girl is a wiggling symphony of vulgarities and my husband and I can’t get enough.
Her unabashed belches could rival Barney Gumble’s from The Simpsons. And where do I start on what’s coming out the other end?
A cornucopia of flappy old man farts and high-pitched trouser trumpets.
Also, mustard yellow poop she somehow manages to shoot all the way up her back to her neck! I’m not even mad. That’s amazing.
And look how horrible and hilarious her passport photo is. Devin and I burst out laughing in the parking lot right after it was taken. Goodbye neck!
I’m Permanently Worried
I’m honestly not sure if I’ve actually fallen asleep at all in the last two months.
Now that I have a fragile infant whose life depends on me, mini tsunamis of anxiety keep coursing through my veins.
I keep running through worst case scenarios: What if I fall down the stairs while I’m holding her? Or crash my car? What if someone murders me on the street and she’s left there in her stroller all alone?
It’s the ugly underbelly of parenting no one warned me about.
I thought something was wrong with me, but every mom I’ve mentioned this to said the same thing happened to them…and it never really goes away.
It must be some sort of primal instinct.
Goodbye chill vibes!
There is Way Too Much Information on the Internet
Parenting forums are the equivalent of WebMD. In just a few clicks you can convince yourself your baby is dying of cancer, when really it’s just dandruff.
The message boards are vicious and flagrant battlefields armed by ignorant women making scientific claims they wouldn’t even know how to look up.
It’s also full of questions that demand urgent answers. “There’s a head coming out of my vagina. Should I go to the hospital yet?”
YES! GO TO THE HOSPITAL!
Note to all moms: DO NOT look up any threads about whether you should vaccinate your child. You will come out of the trenches feeling like the worst mother on the planet no matter what you choose.
I’m trying to do what my mom has encouraged all along–trust my instincts.
My Mom is Super Woman
I now share my mom’s plight of having a child that looks nothing like her. She’s fair with blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair. My brothers and I all have brown eyes and dark hair (thanks to my Portuguese dad).
Now I have a daughter with blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair. She actually looks a lot like my mom. Recessive genes for the win!
I’ve become extremely emotional since having Sunny. Everything makes me cry and I have a newfound appreciation for my own mom (who has been dubbed Nana).
At the age of 29, with three young kids in tow, she lost her mother (my nana) to breast cancer. She was only 56. They were closer than best friends. They saw each other every single day. Kindred spirits.
A few years later, she converted our playroom to a bedroom and took gentle and loving care of her dad (my papa) until he died from a brain tumor and a broken heart.
Never once did my mom’s cheerful demeanour waiver around us, though her heart must have been shattering. I can’t imagine going through that.
She has smiled and supported my brothers and I through all the lemons life has handed her and ALWAYS puts us first. Her selflessness and strength leave me awestruck.
I have some big shoes to fill. (Actually small shoes. She’s a size 6).
I Am Unbelievably Lucky
My gratitude is off the charts these days.
I have an amazing husband who cooks delicious meals, voluntarily changes diapers, loves Sunny unconditionally and bursts out laughing with me when she farts.
My family has been by my side every step of the way and will be her lifelong cheerleaders and confidants.
And Sunny is the sweetest little girl I could dream up. She only wakes up once in the night (*gets beat up by a gang of exhausted moms with fussy babies), smiles constantly and cuddles into my chest with her head on my heart.
I can’t wait to watch her continue to grow and develop.
I just hope she doesn’t mind doing it in a bubble so I can stop worrying.
